


Aching heart

by MadamRed



Series: Writing Prompts (Tumblr) [9]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 14:42:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7512212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadamRed/pseuds/MadamRed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Writing prompt requested on Tumblr: “It doesn’t matter, I’m not leaving you!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aching heart

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Season eight spoilers ahead.

The team had gathered at Rossi’s house for yet another family dinner. You were chatting, drinking and having a grand old time, when Spencer heard you say something to a giggling Garcia, as you helped her make her way to the bathroom, that triggered a certain memory to come back to the forefront of his mind.

_“It doesn’t matter, I’m not leaving you!”_

That sentence... a sentence containing fewer than ten words had been ingrained in his brain, just like pretty much everything else that he read or heard. A sentence he “forgot” the moment it was uttered because he was not in his right state of mind. Back then, he had chosen to dismiss whatever it was that was brewing behind your beautiful misty eyes that day because he was heartbroken.

Dr Reid had selfishly accepted your help in one of his most vulnerable moments. He had just lost the love of his life, and all of his co-workers had come to his door and called him so many times, he had learnt to live with those sounds as if they were normal, background noises. Except for when you came knocking on his door. He remembered it clearly...

He had been lying around on the couch, still clad in his house-robe, scruff on his face and hair dishevelled, contemplating and revisiting that fateful moment, when he recognised your soft knocking. Just like everyone else on the team, you had insisted and given up several times before. But that time, instead of staying silent, you decided to speak.

‘Spencer, I know you’re in there,’ it was the first time you had called him by his first name. You had been with the team for just over a year and had only really bonded with Morgan, thanks to your love for sports, but you got along with everyone just fine. ‘I know because yesterday there were four baskets from Garcia in front of your door and now there are none.’

 _I grabbed three... that old lady stole another one again,_ he thought as he made no attempt to move from his spot on the couch.

‘Spencer... I cannot say that I know what you’re going through because I don’t. My only experiences in this department were two jackasses dumping me when I was back in college and that made me close myself off from the world... just like you’re doing right now. The only reason why I got out of that funk was thanks to a certain talk a few FBI agents gave at one of my psychology classes towards the end of my final year... You and Morgan made this job sound thrilling, especially you.’

He moved his head and stared at the door as if it were alien. _What?_ He remembered all of his talks, and he knew which one you were referring to. It was the standard talk FBI agents had to give at different universities so as to pick as many potential candidates’ interest as possible. He had recognised you the second you had walked into the bullpen the morning you joined the team, even if your hair was not covering half of your face anymore. He hadn’t said anything at the time so as not to freak you out or make you feel uncomfortable, but then... the moment to say something was gone.

‘You probably don’t even know what I’m talking about... or maybe you do. Your brain surprises me every time you open your mouth to share some of that immense knowledge you have stored in there. Anyway, I tried to join the Academy the moment I finished my very last exam. I didn’t even have my diploma and had to return afterwards when I actually had everything I needed.

‘Morgan may seem like he’s all muscles at first but, once you get to know him, you realise he’s much more than that. You, on the other hand, looked like an average, and please forgive me for saying this, well, _nerd._ I could _relate_ to you. You made me feel like I could do something with my life that day... that something was actually worth my efforts. My life had been so dull, especially after my failures in the romance department.’

Spencer sat on the couch, listening to your words with rapt attention. It felt weird to know that he had something to do with your wanting to join the Bureau and successfully making your way up to the BAU.

‘I’m sorry I’m rambling. What I’m _trying_ to say here is that... you should take your time and grieve. But you cannot let this moment define you. You will be able to move forwards. As cliché as it may sound, I have to say it because it’s true: all you need is time. It’s not like it’s ever going to stop hurting or...,’ you took in a shaky breath, refusing to let any tears fall,’ you’ll ever stop loving her, but I’m sure that, if you let me and the team help, you’ll be able to get through this.’

It was silent for quite some time after your _little_ speech. You hoped that your infatuation with the agent was not as obvious in your words as it sounded to your own ears. It was true, though, what you said. The way his eyes had shone as he explained, albeit intricately, what they did on a daily basis had inspired you to pursue this now hectic lifestyle. Despite your parents’ constant complaints about your safety, you didn’t regret your decision. This job finally gave your life some purpose.

You were dabbing at your eyes when you heard Spencer’s apartment door unlock, and then, standing in front of you, was the man who had made your heart race so many years ago.

_Ba-dump._

‘Spencer...,’ you trailed off, having said everything you wanted to already.

He just stepped out of the way and allowed you to come into the mess that used to be his living room and gestured for you to sit on the couch. You complied, and he flopped down next to you, leaving a gap between your bodies. You turned your body so that you were facing him. You wanted to grab his hand and embrace him but you knew of his aversion to touch. He surprised you by mimicking your sitting position.

‘(Y/N)...’

_Ba-dump._

His voice sounded raspy, probably due to the many days that he’d gone refusing to speak to anyone. He cleared his throat and gave it another try as he kept his eyes on his hands and fiddled with the ends of his robe. He was trying so hard not to break down in front of you.

‘(Y/N)... I-I just don’t know what to do anymore. It’s m-my fault that all of this happened to her and-’

‘Spencer, this was _not_ your fault,’ your voice was stern, yet wobbly. You swallowed once, twice, but were unable to continue.

He looked up and saw you getting emotional as well, and the sight made his heart shatter all over again... for everything that you and the team had done to help find her, for him, for Maeve, and all the what-ifs that he’d never be able to have.

You grabbed his hand and tried to move closer to him in an attempt to hug him, but he moved backwards and let go of your hand, which caused your heart to sink.

‘You don’t want to come near me, (Y/N). I-I haven’t showered in a few days and have been sleeping in the same clothes for a whi-’

‘It doesn’t matter, I’m not leaving you! Spencer, do you honestly think I care about that? I’m your _friend._ I’m begging you, please, let me help!’

He very hesitantly allowed you to move him closer to you, until his head was pretty much on your lap and you started running your fingers through his hair in what you hoped was a soothing manner.

‘My hair must be full of knots,’ he managed to croak out as you felt a few tears starting to fall on your trousers.

‘It’s okay. You can shower later while I prepare dinner, okay?’ you spoke softly.

He just nodded and proceeded to soak the material covering your thighs.

Morgan calling him to help him clear the table brought him out of his reverie. He had apologised profusely after that afternoon and you had dismissed each and every one of his apologies. Remembering it made him blush slightly... but not because of the sounds he made as he cried on your lap, but at how soft and comforting your ministrations had been, or how diligently you checked up on him, even after he had officially returned to work.

Now, after three years since he lost Maeve and as he shared a cab with you back to your apartment, he realised that he somehow made peace with the events that had trespassed that day.

The taxi reached your home, and you hugged Spencer before you exited the car and waved at him with a bright smile as you got to the glass door of your apartment building. That was the moment he heard something that made him blush even more:

_Ba-dump!_

You had not only fixed and glued his broken heart together again, but you had apparently also warmed your way into it. He smiled as the taxi took him home.


End file.
